


Mission Impossible: Corral the Mad Dog

by MapacheLuna



Series: Kyouhaba Week - Soulmates Universe [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, KyouHaba Week, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-21 08:16:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4821869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MapacheLuna/pseuds/MapacheLuna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shigeru has a plan. It's neither a smart plan nor a well-thought out plan, but he's sticking with it. He's not going to risk Kyoutani running from this conversation; they needed to talk. He just needed some help first.</p><p>"You're going to die, Shigeru."<br/>"Shut up, Shinji."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mission Impossible: Corral the Mad Dog

**Author's Note:**

> This one isn't as long as it could have been, but it's more of a build-up to the next part than anything else. And continuing the trend of "the loosest interpretation of the prompts that I can manage" I TECHNICALLY chose "AU" and since this entire series is already an AU.... (/¯◡ ‿ ◡)/¯ ~ ┻━┻  
> (I guess Yahaba's ridiculous method of choice in getting Kyoutani to talk to him counts as a quasi-Mission Impossible AU setting too, if you squint.)
> 
> Kyouhaba Week: Day 5: Prompt/AU

Shigeru had a plan. It was foolproof in its simplicity, really. He was going to lie in wait for Kyoutani before practice when his guard would be at its lowest, jump him, and then drag him off, so they could actually _talk_.

He never said it was a smart plan or even a well-thought out plan, but it was what he had to work with and he wasn’t picky. Kyoutani had left him in the dark for over a year; he may not have known for most of it, but he was tired of waiting anyway. The only thing left to do was get some help.

He was desperate, not stupid. He knew he had no chance of going through with his plan without a good deal of trickery, flair, and possibly some very loose morals, and for that, he needed a team well-suited to underhanded maneuvers.

“I don’t want to be here,” Iwaizumi said flatly, gaze set straight ahead as he nevertheless stood in front of Shigeru with his arms crossed, admirably ignoring Oikawa and Kuroo right next to him. Shigeru was pretty sure he had actually somehow perfected the art of true selective hearing over the years, because the minute Oikawa had whined out the line, “But he’s practically your brother-in-law!” his face had shut down and he hadn’t reacted to anything else since, not even:

_“You suck, Iwa-chan!”_

_“As a matter of fact, so do I.”_

_“Oh? Do you now, Kuroo-chan? Let me tell **you** something~”_

The rest of that conversation had thankfully been continued in whispers and giggles, so Shigeru was counting on still being able to look his senpai in the eyes after this.

“Shigeru,” Shinji was inching slowly further and further away from Iwaizumi’s side with each slow and deep breathe he took. “What’s going on? You’ve been acting weird all day.” He frowned. “Did you even sleep last night? You look pretty bad.”

Shigeru rolled his eyes. Trust his best friend to give him the cold hard truth in the most caring tone possible. “Don’t worry about it.” He’d spent most of the night dissecting every single interaction he’d had with Kyoutani in the past month until he’d fallen asleep, and even then his dreams were invaded by giant flowers and giant Momos, with black-streaked blond hair just out of his reach at every turn. “I asked you guys to meet me here because I have something really important to ask you.”

“And is this ‘important’ thing the reason that Oikawa whined us into having a late start to afternoon practice today?” Iwaizumi asked dryly, green eyes boring into Shigeru, causing fresh sweat break out across the back of his neck.

He had only asked Oikawa if there was any possibility that they could push afternoon practice back by twenty or maybe thirty minutes, but before he had even finished his question a truly alarming gleam had entered his captain’s brown eyes.

 _“I can do you one better, Yaha-chan!”_ Before Shigeru could even ask what he meant by that, Oikawa was already spinning on his heel, only pausing to throw over his shoulder, _“This is because of Mad Dog-chan, right? You move quick, Yaha-chan,”_ And then he’d winked at Shigeru’s sputtering before sauntering off, apparently to harass Mizoguchi into pushing their afternoon practice back an hour and a half. It was more than Shigeru had been hoping for, and he was frankly a little too scared to ask.

“What did you actually tell Mizoguchi-sensei, Oikawa-san?” Shinji had no such reservations, because he feared nothing apparently, especially not knowledge. “I’ve never seen him turn that color before. His face was all purple-reddish; I thought he was having a stroke. Coach Irihata even offered him an aspirin.”

“The color you’re thinking of is ‘burgundy,’” Kuroo offered helpfully as Oikawa smiled a little too innocently.

“I just told him that I didn’t think my hips could take another round of practice so soon; I had a _long day_ of showing my soulmate the best Miyagi had to offer yesterday, after all.”

Shigeru could only bury his face into his hands as Iwaizumi finally snapped and reached over to haul a very startled Kuroo over by the front of his shirt.

“YOU DID WHAT?”

* * *

 

“Now,” Shigeru made sure his Disappointed in Your Decisions™ face was firmly in place as he cast his eyes over the slightly more disheveled and embarrassed group in front of him. “What did we learn from that?”

“That Oikawa thinks he’s funny, when he’s actually just an idiot,” Iwaizumi snorted.

“That Iwa-chan can’t take a joke,” Oikawa pouted, pointedly rubbing his sore head.

“That the next time someone looks at Akaashi’s ass, they’re probably going to be eating through a feeding tube for a few months,” Kuroo commented lightly as he picked at his stretched tee-shirt.

“Not to ask questions if I’m not prepared for the answers to lead to bloodshed,” Shinji whispered.

“Good,” Shigeru nodded briskly. “Moving on to the _reason we’re all here_ ,” He stressed the last words, “I need your help.”

He took a deep breath, steeling himself for the next part. “I want to-,”

“Are you finally going to talk to Kyoutani?” It was Shinji who interrupted him, to his great surprise. “Took you long enough.”

“You knew?” Shigeru squeaked, as Oikawa leaned over to regard Shinji with a look of pure pride. “That he was my soulmate? You knew?!”

“No,” Shinji shook his head briskly, eyes a little wider than usual. “But I can’t say I’m really surprised, though. I thought you just wanted to talk to him about his crush.”

 _“What crush?”_ Shigeru would kill them. Wait what? The lack of sleep was obviously getting to him.

“The crush he has on you!” Shinji was staring at him incredulously. “He’s had a huge crush on you since first year. It was kind of obvious.”

Shigeru squawked, flailing his arms around in aborted gestures, as if he could bat the words out of the air.

Kuroo turned to Oikawa, “I like him, can we adopt him?”

“No,” Iwaizumi spoke over Oikawa’s response.

“Shinji, I don-, what even-,”

“But you said ‘soulmate,’” The libero was undeterred, grey eyes sparkling mercilessly. “Kyoutani’s your soulmate? How did you even find out? He always keeps his-, oh,” Shinji interrupted himself, aware of the hardness that had entered his best friend’s eyes. “That’s not good.”

“No,” Shigeru agreed. “It’s not. And we need to talk about it, because I’m not letting him keep me from having an opinion about this anymore.” He looked around again. “So I need your help.”

“To do what?” Iwaizumi frowned at him, seemingly either unruffled by the revelation that Kyoutani and Shigeru were soulmates, or unsurprised. “Hold him down while you yell at him?”

“That’s my backup plan,” Shigeru admitted quietly, scratching his cheek bashfully at the incredulous look he got in return.

“Alright, I’ll bite,” Kuroo said, rolling his shoulders with a small smirk. “What’s Plan A?”

* * *

 

“You’re going to die, Shigeru,” Shinji told him plainly after he explained his plan.

Oikawa tsked loudly. “Don’t be silly, Watacchi. Mad Dog-chan has never laid a single finger on Yaha-chan will ill-intent.”

“Really?” Iwaizumi looked over at Shigeru, eyes narrowed in deep thought before his expression cleared. “Huh. You’re right. He’s really never hit you, has he?”

“Uh, I guess not,” Shigeru squirmed under the weight of that new knowledge. For as much as Kyoutani had yelled and snarled at him in the past, he’d never so much as lifted a fist in his direction. “I’ve never really thought about it.”

“Now that we’ve established that Creampuff’s got a free pass,” Kuroo drawled. “How are _we_ planning on staying alive? I think it’s pretty clear that we’re going to be number one on his hit list the minute he realizes what’s happening. We need a contingency plan.”

“Running,” Shinji offered. “Like our lives depend on it. Which they will.”

“Iwa-chan will hold him off while we make a break for it,” Oikawa suggested, leaning on Iwaizumi’s shoulder with a wide smile. “He hasn’t been able to beat him yet, I don’t see why now would be any different.” That Iwaizumi only grunted and squared his shoulders suddenly made Shigeru very aware that he may have made a mistake in choosing the group of people most likely to get him quick results, instead of well-thought out and safe results. Maybe he should have asked Kunimi for help, or Sugawara-san. He’d already proven that he wasn’t against helping them out before, he surely wouldn’t have said no.

“Sounds exciting,” Kuroo was leaning back on his hands, looking completely unconcerned about the fact that his soulmate was practically nuzzling someone else less than two feet from him. Shigeru didn’t know if that was a result of the soulmate bond, or the taller boy’s own self-confidence, but it was admirable regardless. “And slightly dangerous. I like it.”

“Why are _you_ doing this, Kuroo-san?” Shinji asked with a curious smile. “The rest of us have somewhat of a stake in this, but you really don’t. You said it yourself; this isn’t the safest or smartest plan-,” Shigeru’s indignant noise was duly ignored- “So what are you getting out of it?”

“Nothing really,” Kuroo shrugged. “But you’re all part of Oikawa’s family, which means you’re part of mine too, now. I have as much of a stake in this as any of you.” Shigeru could _see_ Oikawa melting. “Besides, I’m kind of invested in Creampuff and the angry Pup’s relationship now. I want them to have a happy ending.”

“Kuroo-chan,” Oikawa was suddenly at his side, leaning over to rub his nose against his gently. “If we survive this, you’re getting the best b-,”

“OIKAWA!” Iwaizumi barked, ears bright red.

“-ack massage of your life,” Oikawa finished without skipping a beat, lips curling up sweetly as Kuroo laughed against his cheek and Iwaizumi growled at him.

“Jeez, Iwa-chan, you have such a filthy mind. Naughty, naughty. What would Akaashi-kun say?”

“I’m throwing you in Kyoutani’s path,” Iwaizumi told him brusquely. “You’ll be our sacrifice.”

“Rude!”

“You sure this is a good idea?” Shinji whispered to Shigeru as they watched a still laughing Kuroo tug a pouting Oikawa onto his lap while Iwaizumi continued to try to frown his blush away.

“Not at all,” Shigeru admitted. “But I have to try.”

* * *

Kentarou liked to think he had a good handle on his instincts, whether they be the physical ones that let him dodge an opponent’s fists before they could land, or the ones that danced up his nerve endings and let him know when danger was nearby. And right now, something was buzzing in his head as he looked down at Watari Shinji’s open, smiling face, something that was warning him to be careful.

He frowned. “What.”

“Oikawa said he wanted us to help him carry some of the old gym mats into the second storage room,” Watari repeated cheerfully, undeterred by Kentarou’s deepening scowl. “Before afternoon practice begins.”

“Why can’t he do it himself?” Kentarou asked, reluctantly falling into step with Watari. “They’re not that many and he’s strong enough.” As much as he hated to admit it.

Watari shrugged. “He said his hips were still sore. Something about showing Kuroo-san around yesterday.”

“Gross,” Kentarou gagged silently as they finally came to a stop in front of their primary storage room, where, sure enough, Oikawa was already waiting for them, pointedly rubbing his lower back with a theatrical grimace.

“Finally!” Oikawa wagged his finger at him. “You’re hard to track down, aren’t you Mad Dog-chan? I sent Watacchi looking for you almost ten minutes ago.”

“I was eating,” Kentarou grunted. “Didn’t think I’d have to hang around waiting to be bossed around until practice.” Which was going to start late anyway, so why Oikawa was getting his panties in a bunch over the mats was just serving to raise more alarms in his head.

“Don’t be so rude, Mad Dog-chan,” Oikawa waved a hand around absently as he peered at the pile of mats at his feet. “I just need some help; bending over is kind of painful right now.”

“I don’t want to know!” Kentarou barked, shoving past him to haul some mats up, thrusting them at the older boy, who just took them with a disturbingly angelic smile.

“Thank you, Mad Dog-chan~”

“Stop calling me that!”

Sure enough, between the three of them they managed to get all of the mats divided up, so they would thankfully only have to make one trip to the other storage room. It was a bigger room, but it was half a hallway away, so they tended to use it to hold the stuff that they didn’t want to get rid of, but couldn’t have crowding up the smaller storage space in the gym.

The closer they got to it the more the buzzing in his head increased until it was practically a full-blown siren blaring _DANGER_ when they stopped in front of the door.

“Ah,” Oikawa gasped suddenly. “The keys are in my pocket. Watacchi, could you please grab them for me?”

“No problem, Oikawa-san,” Watari turned to Kentarou with a smile. “Can you hold these for a minute?” And then he piled his own mats onto Kentarou’s pile, cutting off his line of sight.

_DANGER_

“Aaand, there we go!” Kentarou heard Watari’s triumphant cry, practically drowned out by the loud _click_ of the door unlocking. “Oikawa-san, after you.”

“You’re such a gentleman, Watacchi. _Some_ people on this team could use a lesson or two from you.” He couldn’t see him, but he could just picture the overly saccharine smirk on his face. He wanted to hit it.

“Shut up, bloodsucker,” Kentarou muttered into the mats, following the sound of Oikawa’s footsteps into the dimly lit room. “Where the hell am I putting this-,”

He tripped over something that felt a lot more like someone’s ankle than a random broom handle, and the mats flew out of his hands and all over the floor.

_DANGER DANGER_

“Whoops! You’re so clumsy, Mad Dog-chan.”

Kentarou whipped around, the words on the tip of his tongue turning to ash as he tried to take in the scene in front of him.

Oikawa was standing behind him, haughty expression just the way he had pictured it, but he could see Iwaizumi and Kuroo holding Yahaba seated in the crook of their arms over his shoulder.

“What the fu-,”

“Duck!”

And with that, three things happened one after another: Oikawa hit the ground, Iwaizumi and Kuroo tossed Yahaba at him, and then both of them went crashing onto the mats he had just dropped.

“Holy crap, I can’t believe that actually worked!”

“Shut up and move, Shittykawa!”

“Come on!” Kentarou was vaguely aware of Oikawa being half dragged off the floor before the door closed with a decisive click, leaving him on his back in the third gym’s secondary storage room, with a very scarily grinning Yahaba perched on his lap.

“Time for a chat, _soulmate_.”

_DANGER DANGER DANGER_

“Shit.”

**Author's Note:**

> (◐ω◑ )


End file.
